


The Coming Out

by BlueEyedMrsBaelish



Series: James Westerling/Robb Stark [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Coming Out, Dialogue from Rocketman, Family Drama, Genderswap, Homophobia, Homophobic mom, Loosely based on the coming out scene from Rocketman, M/M, Pining, Sybell really is the worst, Taron Egerton as James, richard madden as robb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 15:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20449448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyedMrsBaelish/pseuds/BlueEyedMrsBaelish
Summary: James closes the door behind him after dropping his luggage in the main hall, looking around at his home. He’d spent his entire life in this house, and while it held some fond memories of playing games with his siblings and late conversations with his dad, it was also home to many of his ghosts.All of which, unsurprisingly, lead back to Sybell Westerling, James’s mom and one of the most manipulative people he’s ever met.





	The Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder to check the first part of the series for backstory :)
> 
> Okay so... this one.
> 
> This was one of the most important pieces I wrote for James's past because what happens here plays a HUGE part in Robb and James's future as both friends and a couple. This was based on a couple of things - the coming out scene from Rocketman, the crown quote with Jeyne/Sybell in A Song of Ice and Fire and my own + a friend's experience with abusive parents. It wasn't easy to write.
> 
> Nevertheless, enjoy the angst!

𝑪𝑶𝑳𝑳𝑬𝑮𝑬 - 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑪𝑹𝑨𝑮, 𝑺𝑷𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑩𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑲

“Mom? Dad? I’m home!”

James closes the door behind him after dropping his luggage in the main hall, looking around at his home. He’d spent his entire life in this house, and while it held some fond memories of playing games with his siblings and late conversations with his dad, it was also home to many of his ghosts.

All of which, unsurprisingly, lead back to Sybell Westerling, James’s mom and one of the most manipulative people he’s ever met. Out of the four Westerling siblings, James and his sister Eleyna (or Ella, as he affectionately called her) seemed to get it from her the worst, something neither of them could quite understand. They’d learned to live with it, and despite their brothers Raynald (Ray for short) and Rollam (the baby of the family) defending them, nothing they ever did was good enough for her.

Thankfully for James, it’s Ella’s bright face that turns the corner, and soon she’s gathered in his arms for a tight hug. He wouldn’t be here without his sister. His brothers soon follow, and he’s given the information he’s been waiting for; their parents won’t be home until the morning. Apparently Gawen had a business trip and Sybell went with?

Whatever. The less time he has to spend with his mom, the better.

It’s not until he’s in his bedroom that he notices his phone is lit up, and his smile grows when he sees the name on the text message.

[Wolfy]: You home yet, seashell? Don’t make me call and find out.

He loved how much Robb cared about him. What would he do without his best friend?

[Seashell]: Just got unpacked. Already want to leave, but I did miss my sibs. Not missing you at all, though. :D what about you? Back in the frigid North?  
[Wolfy]: Uh huh. That’s why you went out of your way to tell me? :P   
[Wolfy]: I’m home safe, yes. It’s nice to see my dog and family but ugh it’s weird not seeing you  
[Seashell]: I love how you mentioned Grey Wind first.   
[Wolfy]: Duh. So… have you seen HER yet?  
[Seashell]: nope. I wish I didn’t have to. :(

Ella's voice echoes upstairs, and James knows that dinner is ready.

[Seashell]: okay, gotta go shove my face with food. Call later?  
[Wolfy]: wouldn’t miss it. Go get stuffed!  
[Seashell]: that's what he said ;)  
[Wolfy]: …. Blocked 

He spends the evening catching up with his siblings, mostly talking about Robb and telling them stories of their ridiculous adventures. Ray and Ella pass knowing glances as he animatedly talks about him, and James is completely unaware of just how visibly enamored with Robb he is. It is enough, however, that he goes to bed early so he can call his best friend, his chest immediately growing warm with affection as a familiar voice fills the other end.

James falls asleep with the phone under his ear and a smile on his face.

\--

The next two weeks go by surprisingly quickly. Things with Sybell are tense, as per usual, but seeing his dad is always something James looks forward to. Most days are spent exploring Crag and the Westerlands with his siblings, and when Gawen is home the two have a few good conversations. It’s not until the last night he’s in town that things go bad… As in, /very/ bad.

The siblings had taken over the living room, gathered around James who was playing on the piano. James was showing off his new found love of Elton John and Billy Joel, singing and playing for some of his favorite people in the world. It's not until take a break that Ella suggests an acoustic set.

An excited James bounds up the stairs to his room, ready to break out his most prized possession - his engraved guitar. Robb had bought it for him as a birthday present a couple of months after moving into the dorm, and James had almost cried right then and there. It wasn’t cheap, either; one look at the make, the wood, the tiniest of details made James aware of that. It was beautiful, and he treasured it.

So when he opens the walk in closet and turns the light on (something he hadn’t done since he got home - he had no need for the closet) his face turns white.

“Eleyna!”

His sister runs into his room, eyes wide. He NEVER called her by her full name. “James?”

“Where’s my guitar? The one Robb gave me?”

Her face pales as if suddenly remembering something. “Um… Ask mom.”

𝘖𝘩, 𝘨𝘰𝘥𝘴. 𝘚𝘺𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺.

Panic settles over him as he pushes past his sister, running into his parents’ room and opening the door all the way. His mother is sitting on her bed reading a magazine. His father is absent, most likely working.

“Where is it?”

She glances up from her reading, barely even acknowledging her son. “Ah, James. Use your words, boy. I don’t know what /it/ is.”

“My. Guitar. The one Robb gave me.”

“That old thing?” Old? It was a year old. “I sold it for you. I know you’re not going to ACTUALLY pursue music as a career, so I figured I’d give you a head start. Got a nice couple hundred dollars.”

All of the color drains from his face. “... You /what/?”

An eyeroll. Oh, she did not. “What are you, deaf? I sold it. Now you can focus on actual career work.”

He doesn’t hear her over the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. His guitar, his favorite gift he’s ever received from his favorite not-blood related person, gone. Sold.

His hands ball into fists. “Why are you going through my shit? What else have you sold?”

“Nothing. That was the only expensive thing you owned that you don’t need.”

“Don’t need --?” He’s shaking now. “It was /mine/! You had no right! Robb had it engraved for me…”

“Oh Seven Hells, shut up about Robb. We know you’re his roommate and best buddy, but a gift that expensive for a college roommate? That's not normal.” She slams her magazine shut, properly looking at him for the first time. "I think he has… inappropriate feelings for you. I'm not comfortable with you two bunking together anymore."

He’s crying, he’s shaking, and every word she says makes him want to scream. But coming for Robb? Trying to state that Robb had feelings for him? James knew Robb was bi, but it was pretty clear they were just friends. And insinuating that they weren't to dorm together was enough to make him snap.

"Wh-what? No! You took my guitar, but you're /not/ taking my best friend from me. Besides, Robb isn't the one…"

This was a bad idea, but he's emotional and it slips out. "I’m gay, mom.”

Silence fills the room, minus James’s heavy breathing. After a good 10 seconds he whips his hands up. “Well? Say something!”

She scoffs. "I was hoping it wasn't true.”

"... What?"

“Ugh. You’ve been obvious about not being normal since you were a child. Do me a favor, though? Keep this to yourself. Don't defile your other siblings."

James is about to reply when she speaks up again. "I just hope you know that you’re choosing a life of being alone.” She turns back to her magazine, the next words said so casually that James almost doesn’t register just how brutal they are.

“You’ll never be loved properly.”

Silence.

Deafening silence. James stares at his mother for a few long moments before turning on his heel and walking back to his room, closing the door behind him before dissolving into sobs. He’d lost his guitar - Robb’s gift, which was the harder part - and was told that he’d never be loved properly?

Because he was gay, something he couldn’t help.

Ella pops her head in a few moments later, and within seconds has her arms wrapped around him, holding her brother in a tight hug.

“Shh. Hey, you’re okay. Fuck her.”

“I’m not, Ella. I’m --”

“Gay? Yeah, I know. I have for years, ever since I caught you gazing adoringly at the guy playing Conrad Birdie in your high school play.”

He chuckles through his tears at that. “He kissed me, you know. First kiss ever.”

She leans back, eyebrows raised. “Damn, nice one! He was hot!” Her expression softens as she brushes back his hair, giving him her best lovingly stern look. “You’ll find love, James. I know you will. Being gay doesn’t mean you won’t.”

He wishes it was as easy to believe her as it was for his mom’s words to penetrate his mind, but something about how matter-of-factly she had said it had hurt worse that he would have expected. Little does he know that it would echo in his brain for years to come.

Once Ella leaves he wipes his face, grabbing his phone and typing out a quick text.

[Seashell]: Back at the dorms?

The answer comes within seconds.

[Wolfy]: There you are! I’m back, yeah. Miss you.  
[Seashell]: I’ll be there tomorrow, leaving first thing in the morning. Miss you too.  
[Wolfy]: What’s wrong?  
[Seashell]: A lot. I’ll tell you tomorrow.  
[Wolfy]: … okay. Call me if you need me.  
[Seashell]: Will do.

\--

By early the next afternoon he’s walking into the dorm, almost in shock at how happy he is to see it. It’s even better when Robb walks out, a huge grin on his face.

That is, until James remembers the guitar. He immediately breaks, running into a very confused and concerned Robb Stark’s open arms. “James, mate, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘍𝘐𝘕𝘌.

“Robb… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I wouldn’t have brought it home if I knew.”

“James, you have to be specific. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Here goes nothing. “The guitar, Robb. The one you gave me… She sold it.” He sniffles, unable to lift his head quite yet. “She thought I would change my mind and go into medicine, so she /sold my goddamn guitar/. Fuck, I hate her.”

Robb doesn’t speak just yet, his hand stroking James’s back. Once he can tell James as calmed down he gently takes his face into his hands. “Look, Seashell, it’ll be okay. It sucks, yeah, but it’s not the end of the world.”

James finally looks Robb in the eyes. “You’re… You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad??” The resulting laugh surprises James. “Why would I be mad? You didn’t do anything wrong, your mum did. I am sorry, though, that was a beautiful guitar.”

“It was.” He rubs his face and sighs again. “Also I came out to her. It was the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

“You /what/?” Robb steps back so he can look at James in full, and James isn’t offended or surprised by the reaction. “You came out… to Sybell Westerling? I mean, congrats on coming out but… fuck. I’m sorry she was as awful about it as you expected.”

“It’s fine, whatever. I’m not here for her approval, clearly.” Sighs.

Robb nudges him. “If you don’t want to talk about it… want to drink? It’s the best way to get shit out our heads, and fuck have I missed spending time with my best friend.”

“Gods, /please/. I need to forget life right about now.”

The two spend the evening doing exactly that; getting shitfaced drunk and forgetting about life. Cuddling and light kissing is involved before they both collapse in Robb’s bed. Once they’re in James spoons Robb, who falls asleep almost immediately. A strange sensation overcomes him, and he feels the need to whisper as quietly as he can.

“I wish I could be worthy of you, Robb Stark. But I’ll always just be your best friend. It’s probably for the best, though… I don’t think I’ll ever deserve to be loved properly, least of all by the person who's love I'd want the most.”

**Author's Note:**

> RobbJames angst is a lot of fun to write for me. These two boys are dramatic as fuck at times (albeit understandably, emotional trauma can do that to a person - I would know) but they mean well. James especially, you'll see as this series continues that he handles things a bit more dramatically than most but it's how he copes. Robb has his moments, too.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! <3


End file.
